Conflict arises from differences which are inevitable. When conflicts cannot be managed, they can lead to resentment and harm your relationships. However, conflicts are not all bad since after they are solved, mutual understanding will grow stronger. On one hand, we need to avoid unnecessary and negative conflicts; on the other hand, we need to learn how to deal with conflicts in a healthy way.
A and B work in a project team. In a team meeting, A presents his design which seems to be a good solution. However, B thinks that the design, though good, is hard to put into practice since it costs lots of resources. Dispute arises as both A and B does not want to listen but to defense their idea. Both lost temper and A says that B is stupid, and in return, B say that only an idiot can think of such an impractical solution. Other members war unable to stop them and as a result, the meeting ends in a big quarrel. In that project, the best score is given for another team with the design quite similar to that of A but with some modifications.
When it comes to conflict resolving, it is curial to manage stress and remain calm. You can never solve any conflict without controlling your own emotions, which is also the first step in conflict resolving. In this step, EQ plays a vital role. In the above example of A and B, if they stay calm, they can accurately analysis the problem, discuss freely but positively instead of quarreling. Once they fully understand the pros can cons of A’s design, they can come up with the best solution and gain better result.
Humor is also important in conflict resolving. Sometime, it happens that your opponent cannot control his emotions, thus, whatever you say is useless. It is also possible that even though you have carefully handed with the dispute, it still comes out of your control. In those cases, a joke may wide away or at least reduce tension and anger. But you should keep in mind that humor does not mean to make fund of your opponent, it only give negative respond.
I want to end my post with a quote of William James (1842-1910), an America Philosopher and Psychologist: “Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.”
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Dear Dam Long,
ReplyDeleteIt is true that we need to know how to deal with conflicts otherwise it can end up with a standstill just as what your scenario mentioned.
In that kind of scenario, we can observe that both are defensive in their beliefs. Being defensive is good but we need to be critical when giving critics. We must be mindful of our words and also the tones of our voice. Sometimes, the tone of our voice is enough to tell the other party about our displeasure on the proposal.
As witness or non-involving parties in the scenario mentioned above, we can make ourselves useful by intervening peaceful. We can do our part by trying to calm both parties. We can also act as a neutral party and aid in the conflict resolution process through advising and facilitating.
These are some various way we could deal with the situation mentioned above.
Regards,
Mohd Ferrino
Dear Dam Long,
ReplyDeleteI agree that failure to resolve conflicts in a team would adversely affect the performance of the team. I also agree that the first step to solve any conflict is to remain calm and objectively evaluate the situation.
You mentioned the best way to learn to resolve conflicts is to be in actual conflicts. I would say that this is a good point. Even though there are plenty of books and materials that teach the techniques to resolve conflicts, only knowing the theory of conflict management is not enough. Practice is definitely required to hone this life skill.
I find the scenario that you have described to be a little vague. Perhaps you could have elaborated more on it. From what I understand, the other members of the team were dragged into the argument between A and B.
What I think the other members could have done is to remain calm and objective and not let themselves be dragged into the argument. They could have proposed a compromise between A’s and B’s ideas. Furthermore, I think that A and B should not have called each other names. This is extremely unprofessional. They could have put their criticisms of each other using “I” sentences.
Regards,
Russell
Dear Dam Long,
ReplyDeleteWhat you said in your blog is always inspiring. Besides all other very good points you mentioned in this post, I find that the point “conflicts are not all bad since after they are solved, mutual understanding will grow stronger” is an extremely nice one.
Usually, People tend to get very panic when they hear the word ‘conflict’, because it is problematic. Seldom anyone can consider it to be a good thing in the first place. But it is true, if we think of it from another perspective, conflict is also something that can improve mutual understanding between two people or two parties provided it is resolved in the end. The process of resolving is in fact a process of improving mutual understanding; when mutual understanding arrives at a certain level, the two sides should be able to resolve the conflict. If we can understand conflict in this way, we don’t need to feel so bad about conflicts anymore and resolving it should be much easier.
Regards,
Shiyan
Dear Long Dam,
ReplyDeleteI was in a very similar situation 2 years ago in a subject called Project Work. I was in the role of A; I suggested an improvement in our project on the last day before submission. My groupmate thought I was criticising his work (as that part was done by him) and got angry at me. I had to pacify him and explain that I was only suggesting the change. As there was little time, our group sat down and decided not to implement the change, even though it was an improvement. I was not happy with their decision at first but as I thought about it later, I realised that working with people requires compromises and this was one of those times.
Similarly, in this scenario, the team must understand that even though there may be a clear improvement, it may not be possible to implement it due to constraints like time. They should come together and rationally discuss the pros and cons as a team, not as two individuals A and B against each other.
I like the quote you gave at the end. Attitude sure is very important, not just in a conflict, but in life in general.
Anuj